This article was originally published on the Marijuana Patients Organization site on March 3, 2015.
SATIRE: The US Government considers marijuana to be illegal and without medical value despite owning the patent for the medical properties of cannabis.
Mixed messaging and double talk by the federal government makes most banks skittish and unwilling to participate in the marijuana trade, in addition the IRS gives mixed signals despite President Obama’s memorandum in 2012, telling regulators to lay off medical dispensaries. Most dispensaries are just looking to do the right thing, and are being forced to find creative ways to report cash, or ‘launder their money’.
We rank our top 5 HYPOTHETICAL ways a dispensary could launder their money.
- Take cash to the casino and report the earnings after you immediately cash out.
- Michigan Bottle Return Scheme – Purchase recyclable cans and bottles from Michigan residents (worth 10 cents each) and return to the nearest grocery. Collect your taxable funds, and remember to keep the receipt.
- Coin Operated Car Wash – A longtime method of cash laundering, the car wash/laundry mat business. Dirty money goes in, clean income out.
- Start A Church – Your offering box may do very well, pastor. Just remember that churches are one of the top audited business types in the US.
- Give it all away. To the MPO preferably.